‘Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.’
Late 2017, I was in the midst of a pivotal point in my life where I was deeply examining myself; who I was and who I was meant to be. I had felt called to be an officer in the United States Air Force. I wanted to be the leader who was patient, compassionate, and merciful in a career field where people with those qualities are severely lacking. I knew that if I was going to make an impact anywhere, it could easily be done in the Air Force.
I read tons of military and self-help books. I listened to a handful of podcasts that focused on the qualities and characteristics of some of the best military leaders of all time, and listened to stories of men and women doing amazing things under immense pressure. Sometimes, in our mind, we put ourselves in the position of the hero; pulling off some huge feat and changing the course of history. In fact, I actually loathe super hero/action movies, but what I love is real accounts of people who have done real difficult things for the benefit of other people. What I learned from all of those stories changed my perspective forever. To varying degrees, we are all susceptible to becoming too comfortable in our own slop. When someone asks us why we don’t clean up, we sometimes just get defensive and sink deeper into the filth. This is my mess to deal with, we say. I can do this on my own, on my own time.
I was determined to work on stretching myself into the person that I needed to be. This was the most grounded and present I had ever felt in my life. Every single word that I read or heard, that I knew as truth, was taken as seriously as death. I was in tune with myself. How can I apply this lesson to myself so that I can be better than the person I was yesterday?
Late February 2018, I decided not to join the military. Around the time that I made that decision, I had also made the decision to recommit my life to Christ after years of unsuccessfully trying to do life on my own. With all of these lessons still fresh on my mind, I leapt into the arms of Christ. Lord, teach me how to walk your way and not my own.
Still green, full of questions, and little bit confused, I met David and he took me under his wing. At that time, I was going to Church at Timber Ridge, the Tarleton Wesley, and the First United Methodist Church of Stephenville trying to soak in as much information as I possibly could about the Bible, the Trinity, and how I can be better than I was yesterday. My focus began to shift from the military to Christ; from being a commander to listening to the Commander (Joshua 5:14). This was new ground for me. I had never openly talked about God. I didn’t actually know what I believed, or if I even believed in anything at all. What I did know was that Jesus was the best example of the leader that I wanted to be. I wanted to be like Him.
After a few weeks of working together, David and I became good friends. We shared personal stories, read the Word, and talked about all the questions that I had (if this tells you how many questions I ask, my senior superlative for the Tarleton Wesley Foundation was “Curious Jackson”). I wouldn’t ask easy questions, no. I asked the really tough questions like, “do you believe in dinosaurs?” Some Christians believe the Earth is only 6,000 years old, and if that is true, then the data we have about dinosaurs appears to contradict the Biblical narrative. Or “what if one of your boys came up to you and told you they were gay; how would you handle that in a Christ-like way?” These questions, and many others, were eating away at me, and I needed to know the truth. We talked out these important questions, searching the Scriptures for answers.
Being at Sweetwater Research was a vital part of my growth as a new believer. Going to multiple churches at once exposed me to a ton of scripture. I was able to finally make sense of the Bible stories that children often don’t understand. In our daily devotions, David explained historical information, connections to other passages, and how they apply to our lives. Being a new believer requires constantly being surrounded by people whose main goal is to live like Jesus lived. The community surrounding Sweetwater provided that and so much more.
Science at Sweetwater was a collaboration: David and I would task things based on our individual strengths. He had me create a research project based on my personal interests. Researching articles is never fun. On the other hand, learning new things that open my eyes wider to the creation is always fun. Reverse engineering coupled with experiment-building exercised my scientific muscles. Overall, it was awesome being able to use the tool of science to try to mend some of the world’s many environmental problems. The beautiful planet that we live on always excites me, and the fact that I have been so incredibly blessed with a heart and mind that wants to see more of it and see deeper into it, speaks to just how much I want to interact with God on a tactile and sensory level.
So, in departure, I would like to say directly to David, Krista and the boys, Landon, Andre and the Hope House guys, Jacob, Jahmicah, the prayer team, and all those who supported me, thank you for all you have done for me. For all the prayers, letters of encouragement, financial support, and your time. I wouldn’t have been able to learn the things that I have about the Lord and his plan for me without this opportunity. I was brand new to this whole Jesus thing, just trying things out. I didn’t know that my life would change this much. I will never forget the lessons that I have learned, the memories that I have made, the tears that I have cried, or the values that I have built within the community of Sweetwater Research. It is bittersweet to be walking away from this position, but I know with my whole heart that the next intern, and all those who follow, will see their life changed in accordance with God’s will and not their own. It pleases me to walk away knowing that. I know that no matter where I go from here, I will be exactly where I need to be, because I trust in God’s perfect timing. Jesus, I am placing my life in your hands. Use me and make my life matter for your Kingdom.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
– Angela, signing off.
